Motherhood

I'm taking a bit of detour from the 'typical' careers. My sole, lifetime career has been motherhood. I started out young. I became a single, teen mom a few weeks before my 19th birthday. Of course, I thought my daughter hung with the sun and moon, but life was far from perfect. Her father and I weren't married, something I was quite aware of. I held the repercussion of my sin every day, fed her, stayed up late nights with her, changed her diapers and I suffered the consequence, not just the shame but the constant turmoil of young heartache.

Somehow, the relationship between me and her father survived. Okay, that somehow was a God thing. 100% absolutely a God thing. A little over two years after her birth we gathered together with friends and family in our church and were married. Turns out our second daughter was conceived the night of our wedding. In my mind it was God's way of forgiving our sins and blessing our union.

My husband and I had decided at that time that no matter what, we did not want anyone else raising our children. My job would be to be a full-time mother.

I'm going to go off on a little bunny trail here because I have to say, I can't imagine being a mom and working full-time, even more I can't imagine being a single mom and working full-time. My heart goes out to single mothers. It's a tough job when there is the support of a husband/father. When fathers are absent it makes it even tougher.

I'm going to be honest here, there have been times when I've felt or wished I had a single mom, especially when my husband and I disagreed over suitable punishments. However, the emotional support I receive from my husband is  incomparable. Single moms don't always have that support system.

BUT, unless you've been a stay at home mom and have never worked outside the home, you can't imagine the stigma we receive. LAZY. Yep, all the derogatory remarks I've heard over the last twenty-two years can be summed up as laziness.

Not only are we looked down upon by society, but our children are rarely happy with us. It's part of being a parent, building boundaries and keeping them, although I will admit that I haven't always been good about those boundaries.

As mothers (most of us) we give our hearts, our every breath to provide a safe environment for our children. Clothes are washed, food is prepared and placed on the table, beds are made, floors cleaned, the water bill is paid, errands are achieved, activities are attended, and yet as far as the children are concerned, it's never enough. I can't help but wonder how many people I could employ at my complaint department.

Mothers are under paid and under appreciated especially since the world would cease to exist without us. And yet, somehow, even through all the ups and downs of raising children, it's the most rewarding job ever.

Today's blog post is way late. I had remembered sometime Friday morning as I watched my husband reattach a teddy bear's ear that I was supposed to write a post on upholstery. It was one of those straws that had broken this camel's back.

You see, Monday morning my teenage son ran away. He wasn't running from us, but from consequences he needed to pay with the law. I won't go into all the details, just know my kid is a troubled kid caught up with drugs and alcohol. But I'm sure you can imagine the turmoil wrecking our home. My two older daughters didn't seem to understand our sorrow. In their minds there was no need to worry. My youngest daughter blamed herself since my son had told her he was thinking of running.

Hubs and I could barely talk to each other because it always came back to unbearable pain. Every time an ambulance or police car flew by our hearts stopped. Whenever our phones rang or jingled we waited with bated breath, wondering if that was the call to tell us he'd been found, dead or alive. Every morning I woke and checked his bed, praying he'd came back home while we were sleeping. Every night after work we pounded the streets, talking to people and passing out flyers.

Motherhood, excuse my language, sucked at that moment. I wanted to quit. I was tempted to leave my daughter at my mother's and just walk away. I didn't want to do this anymore. But I knew God had called me to this, called me to be a mom to these children.

Again, I can't imagine going through this as a single mom, but I tell you what, my husband and I were in the pain together. We weren't doing each other any good, except that we both knew the pain the other felt. There was no consoling each other, we couldn't. Our friends, family, and the Body of Christ showed up in droves. They offered help, they offered their love and they took my son to the foot of the cross.

We were fortunate that our son was found in only a matter of days. I pulled out scripture and brought it to God to answer us swiftly. Our journey is far from over, but one of the many things God has shown me is that a mother's prayers are effective. Motherhood begins with prayer and it never ends. And when things go array we have to trust that God has heard our prayers and that His ways are higher than our own.

I don't leave you with any great wisdom or training research. If you're a mom you know your wisdom comes from experience, training comes from being rooted in the Word of God, but I do leave you with this, when things seem more than you can handle know that God's grace is sufficient and His power works through our weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9